So. This weekend was truly amazing. ACL was better than I'd expected because the line-up at first glance didn't seem so great. Turned out to be better than great; it was one of the best musical experiences I've ever encountered. Unfortunately, I'm still recovering from all the walking and sun exposure. I can't believe how tired I still am! Sometimes, I'm such an old lady it worries me. I'm in college, for goodness sake. I should be able to go on few hours of sleep, right? Ah, well. Probably for the best.
Oh, and as for the title of this post, The Swell Season was my favorite band that performed. I was that girl who was in the very front row, completely entranced by their performance. If you've seen the movie Once, you know what I'm talking about. They did that very rare and specific thing that happens to me sometimes when I listen to music; they magically captured all these crazy emotions I feel and neatly put them into beautiful harmonies and poetic lyrics. It was the most unique experience I have felt with music for a long time and I couldn't be more in awe of it.
The only drawback a near-perfect weekend though was coming home. I felt strangely out of place in my self-made haven. It feel so incredibly weird to come back to here after having had such a wonderful time somewhere else. I'm still not used to it, almost three days later. I feel like I'm just visiting my now-home. It's making things more difficult to get back into my old routine. I'm praying it will pass very quickly.
Other than that, just same ole', same ole'. Just, wow, amazing weekend and then having to comeback to tests, papers, and all around craziness. I wish it was time for a vacation. Okay, I'm starting to get distracted. I should get out while the fire's hot. I don't know if that's an actual saying...Kbye.
P.S. I don't know what to say anymore. I'm sorry.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
This is why I can't be a writer!
I never know what to talk about! I will get these brilliant ideas throughout the day, but as soon as I sit down to my blog, they all vanish. I'm currently staring out my window in my pajamas and watching the butterflies migrate (which is really cool actually). This is why I've never been able to continue a journal for more than just a few entries. Everything that happens in my daily life seems so uninteresting when written down. Like today, the most interesting thing that happened to me was I forgot a pencil when I went to take my politics test and had to ask about 20 people until some guy let me have one. Yeah. Big drama.
It's all just started to become routine. Which is good. I like a nice routine. It's just... I look back at the previous entries and see how new and exciting things kept happening and how I didn't have to even mention pencil drama because real stuff actually took precedent. The good old days... Well, I suppose there isn't much more to say. This post has become a complete rant so I really should put a quick end to it.
Today was alright, I suppose. I had the First Test in one of my classes, proving the definition of its name. It was rather awful, but I'm praying for a B? Maybe? Ah, well. The joys of college. Again, not much to say on the pitiable events that make up my current life. Of course, this weekend will be... beyond an event. I know it will be the highlight of my autumn season. Austin City Limits Festival will prove to be the absolute best of the best when it comes to weekends, I'm sure. Needless to say, I am excited. Expect pictures.
Alright, I feel I've bored what few readers I have to near death and as that would be exceedingly tragical, I'll try and quit before I'm far too ahead. Thanks again, if you go to this point. And apologize for any inconvenience. I hope the next entry to be exciting.
P.S. As boring as my life is, I hope yours is far more interesting.
It's all just started to become routine. Which is good. I like a nice routine. It's just... I look back at the previous entries and see how new and exciting things kept happening and how I didn't have to even mention pencil drama because real stuff actually took precedent. The good old days... Well, I suppose there isn't much more to say. This post has become a complete rant so I really should put a quick end to it.
Today was alright, I suppose. I had the First Test in one of my classes, proving the definition of its name. It was rather awful, but I'm praying for a B? Maybe? Ah, well. The joys of college. Again, not much to say on the pitiable events that make up my current life. Of course, this weekend will be... beyond an event. I know it will be the highlight of my autumn season. Austin City Limits Festival will prove to be the absolute best of the best when it comes to weekends, I'm sure. Needless to say, I am excited. Expect pictures.
Alright, I feel I've bored what few readers I have to near death and as that would be exceedingly tragical, I'll try and quit before I'm far too ahead. Thanks again, if you go to this point. And apologize for any inconvenience. I hope the next entry to be exciting.
P.S. As boring as my life is, I hope yours is far more interesting.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Fear and Loathing in San Antonio
Okay, that's an extreme title for a post, but we've been learning about attention grabbers in Freshmen Composition. Did it work?
But as extreme as it is, it's also slightly true, to some degree. First part: Fear. I am so afraid. I'm afraid of not doing well. I'm afraid of being the only one left at UTSA while everyone else moves on to UT. I'm afraid of not making friends. I'm afraid of strangers talking to me. I'm afraid of being afraid. Oh, and I'm afraid of the dark still. I though that would go away. But as afraid as I am (it can get overwhelming sometimes), it doesn't surpass all the more positive emotions I'm feeling about all of this. Yeah, I'm afraid of doing poorly in classes, but I'm so eager to be learning in some of them that it almost makes me laugh. I've even found the common sense enough to know that even if I don't make it back to UT next year, it is far from the end of the world. So yeah, I'm really scared. But who isn't? It's college.
As for the loathing, that is definitely an extreme. What I'm feeling isn't really loathing at all. It's a combo of different emotions that sometimes add up to loathing but not loathing towards one direct thing (although, I could possibly loathe my Freshmen comp professor...). I'm still sad about missing friends and family. There is still the nervous tension about being in new places with new people. I am also know for getting frustrated easily over the littlest things, like forgotten assignments or scheduling problems. But just like with the fear, the positive things are far superior to the not so nice things.
So when it comes right down to it, I'm okay. I may not be ridiculously happy all the times, but I'm finding a good balance, one I can accept easily. And that, for me, is a good example of doing well.
In closing (too much time in lectures?), I also want to thank everyone who actually reads this. You have no idea how much it means to me that you take a few minutes out of your day or week to just check on me. It feels so incredibly nice. So thanks. I love you guys, too.
P.S. I hope you are doing well also, and will tell me when you're not.
But as extreme as it is, it's also slightly true, to some degree. First part: Fear. I am so afraid. I'm afraid of not doing well. I'm afraid of being the only one left at UTSA while everyone else moves on to UT. I'm afraid of not making friends. I'm afraid of strangers talking to me. I'm afraid of being afraid. Oh, and I'm afraid of the dark still. I though that would go away. But as afraid as I am (it can get overwhelming sometimes), it doesn't surpass all the more positive emotions I'm feeling about all of this. Yeah, I'm afraid of doing poorly in classes, but I'm so eager to be learning in some of them that it almost makes me laugh. I've even found the common sense enough to know that even if I don't make it back to UT next year, it is far from the end of the world. So yeah, I'm really scared. But who isn't? It's college.
As for the loathing, that is definitely an extreme. What I'm feeling isn't really loathing at all. It's a combo of different emotions that sometimes add up to loathing but not loathing towards one direct thing (although, I could possibly loathe my Freshmen comp professor...). I'm still sad about missing friends and family. There is still the nervous tension about being in new places with new people. I am also know for getting frustrated easily over the littlest things, like forgotten assignments or scheduling problems. But just like with the fear, the positive things are far superior to the not so nice things.
So when it comes right down to it, I'm okay. I may not be ridiculously happy all the times, but I'm finding a good balance, one I can accept easily. And that, for me, is a good example of doing well.
In closing (too much time in lectures?), I also want to thank everyone who actually reads this. You have no idea how much it means to me that you take a few minutes out of your day or week to just check on me. It feels so incredibly nice. So thanks. I love you guys, too.
P.S. I hope you are doing well also, and will tell me when you're not.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Wait...asbestos?
Okay, so I haven't written in this for awhile but I have fairly good reason. Nothing has really been happening. I mean, stuff is happening but I suppose I'm having a bout of writer's block. Well, here's a basic breakdown I suppose.
So I went home this weekend. It was alright, but I'm still feeling that tug that I haven't completely made a transition. I know I shouldn't go home for awhile to really make the final cut off of "Going to College." But there some really good parts (FEFC can save my life), but there were also equally bad parts (burnt cookies...) and the bad parts made me realize I have a better chance of actually enjoying going home more if I do it less.
Also, I visited a group of friends that I knew in theatre and that are still in high school. We spent hours catching up and filling each other in and then it really hit me; I'm starting to forget the bad and miss the good. It happens a lot to me, actually. I block out all the horrendous things that might have happened and focus solely on the good parts that I liked. For high school, I thought that would be impossible because the two parts were too extreme. But I surprised myself by remember the fun parts of high school and long for those days again. I hope it's just a passing phase because I refuse to go back to Bowie.
Oh yeah, and Carson and I might have a moldy dorm room due to a leak from a constantly running toilet. UTSA Maintenance have proved to be less that perfect as they have taken 5 days to even come deal with it, even though we have pestered them to no end (yes, we dealt with it on our own). That's another fun little part of college, I suppose.
Ah, okay, I'm pretty sure the writer's block is still kicking, but I just wanted to write a little something so my blog doesn't feel abandoned or anything. When something actually interesting happens, I'll be sure to add a new post.
P.S. You are and always have been one of the most interesting parts of my life.
So I went home this weekend. It was alright, but I'm still feeling that tug that I haven't completely made a transition. I know I shouldn't go home for awhile to really make the final cut off of "Going to College." But there some really good parts (FEFC can save my life), but there were also equally bad parts (burnt cookies...) and the bad parts made me realize I have a better chance of actually enjoying going home more if I do it less.
Also, I visited a group of friends that I knew in theatre and that are still in high school. We spent hours catching up and filling each other in and then it really hit me; I'm starting to forget the bad and miss the good. It happens a lot to me, actually. I block out all the horrendous things that might have happened and focus solely on the good parts that I liked. For high school, I thought that would be impossible because the two parts were too extreme. But I surprised myself by remember the fun parts of high school and long for those days again. I hope it's just a passing phase because I refuse to go back to Bowie.
Oh yeah, and Carson and I might have a moldy dorm room due to a leak from a constantly running toilet. UTSA Maintenance have proved to be less that perfect as they have taken 5 days to even come deal with it, even though we have pestered them to no end (yes, we dealt with it on our own). That's another fun little part of college, I suppose.
Ah, okay, I'm pretty sure the writer's block is still kicking, but I just wanted to write a little something so my blog doesn't feel abandoned or anything. When something actually interesting happens, I'll be sure to add a new post.
P.S. You are and always have been one of the most interesting parts of my life.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Je crois que je l'aim
Tonight a few friends and I went to go see a European Film Festival at the local movie theatre down the road. It was a free festival, but donations were going to the Red Cross to help with Hurricane Ike (which I gave money to, because I currently loathe that stupid hurricane). We watched two movies, one in French (title above) and an Italian one. They were both beautiful films, but they both made me a little sad, almost hesitant about liking them.
The reason for this inexplicable melancholy about silly movies is that I'm desperate to travel. I want to see every little bit of the world and I am finding it hard to wait to do it. Ever since I went to the UK last summer and probably even before that, I have been itching to see new places and experience everything. Watching those movies and seeing those cultures just made it almost unbearable that I am currently stuck in San Antonio, Texas. I know it's probably just adolescent impatience, but every time I am bored out of my mind, I daydream about hopping on a plane and heading anywhere, everywhere.
I know all that blah blah about how I will have plenty of time to travel when I'm older, but I'm still borderline hysterical for the need to stretch my legs in a place where I am so out of my element. I'm realizing now this completely contradicts my previous blog, but something about being an airplane ride away from where I live justifies it. Okay, this blog is becoming a little less structured than the rest, but it is getting late. Bottom line: I wish I had my passport right now to jet set to Brazil, Spain, Germany, Fiji, or anywhere else I've never been. I need to see the world and I want to see it now.
P.S. I want to travel the whole world with you
The reason for this inexplicable melancholy about silly movies is that I'm desperate to travel. I want to see every little bit of the world and I am finding it hard to wait to do it. Ever since I went to the UK last summer and probably even before that, I have been itching to see new places and experience everything. Watching those movies and seeing those cultures just made it almost unbearable that I am currently stuck in San Antonio, Texas. I know it's probably just adolescent impatience, but every time I am bored out of my mind, I daydream about hopping on a plane and heading anywhere, everywhere.
I know all that blah blah about how I will have plenty of time to travel when I'm older, but I'm still borderline hysterical for the need to stretch my legs in a place where I am so out of my element. I'm realizing now this completely contradicts my previous blog, but something about being an airplane ride away from where I live justifies it. Okay, this blog is becoming a little less structured than the rest, but it is getting late. Bottom line: I wish I had my passport right now to jet set to Brazil, Spain, Germany, Fiji, or anywhere else I've never been. I need to see the world and I want to see it now.
P.S. I want to travel the whole world with you
Monday, September 8, 2008
Blowin' In The Wind
So. New school week, new month, and new feelings. My sister came to visit me this weekend and we had a really good time, except for any time we tried to go anywhere, we got lost. Whether is was down the street or in the middle of downtown San Antonio, I could never wrap my head around my surroundings. I didn't like it.
Something that I learned about myself a long time ago is I am a big fan of familiarity. I love knowing exactly where I am and where I am going. Confusion is not my forte and whenever it is inevitable, I try to cope but find it harder each time. Unfortunately for me, being a college freshmen at a campus I don't know has me near drowning in confusion. But as I am constantly scrambling for everything, I find myself looking for something I know will always be there.
I always heard that as you get into your late teens, you generally start to lose your faith. For me, it's the reverse. Near the end of my high school days, I started attending a friend's church and found myself re-discovering my faith from my younger days. I discovered that my belief in God could make me happy in a way I had forgotten about a long time ago. Now, as I find myself as a tiny leaf just blowing on a branch of the tree of life (See Bob Dylan song title), I couldn't be more joyful that I have a constant companion when all seems lost as I wander around looking for classes. It doesn't seem like wandering, because I know He is gently guiding me. His love is something I can't and would never, ever want to shake. I've become too dependent on it.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is, I'm ready. I am ready for anything this giant school, huge population, and crazy city has prepared to hit me with. His love and never-ending hope has my back and I couldn't be more pleased to realize it will be that way forever. And even better, I 'm finding I can't wait for it all to happen.
P.S. I wouldn't know what I would do without you there to inspire me.
Something that I learned about myself a long time ago is I am a big fan of familiarity. I love knowing exactly where I am and where I am going. Confusion is not my forte and whenever it is inevitable, I try to cope but find it harder each time. Unfortunately for me, being a college freshmen at a campus I don't know has me near drowning in confusion. But as I am constantly scrambling for everything, I find myself looking for something I know will always be there.
I always heard that as you get into your late teens, you generally start to lose your faith. For me, it's the reverse. Near the end of my high school days, I started attending a friend's church and found myself re-discovering my faith from my younger days. I discovered that my belief in God could make me happy in a way I had forgotten about a long time ago. Now, as I find myself as a tiny leaf just blowing on a branch of the tree of life (See Bob Dylan song title), I couldn't be more joyful that I have a constant companion when all seems lost as I wander around looking for classes. It doesn't seem like wandering, because I know He is gently guiding me. His love is something I can't and would never, ever want to shake. I've become too dependent on it.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is, I'm ready. I am ready for anything this giant school, huge population, and crazy city has prepared to hit me with. His love and never-ending hope has my back and I couldn't be more pleased to realize it will be that way forever. And even better, I 'm finding I can't wait for it all to happen.
P.S. I wouldn't know what I would do without you there to inspire me.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Hair stylists are always right.
So a week before I left for school I went to my sister's hair stylist, Carolyn, and we started talking about leaving home and college and she surprised me with a tidbit fact.
"Two weeks. If you can get through two weeks, you're good."
I laughed at the time and thought two weeks would be cake. Well, I cheated a little by going home this weekend, but I think it still counts as a two week rule and I'm free. But as the two weeks are coming to a close, I can feel it. The pressure in my chest, the strange dreams, and all the other signs that are telling me that I am missing someone or something. I'm somewhat of a connoisseur of missing things so I can read the signs quite easily. I feel this tug deep inside and I know that these next few days will be rough. But as much I see these signs, I know I have to ignore them that much more, and figure out how to just live with it.
I'm finding it easier to forgot these baby bouts of depression here. Maybe it's that I'm getting older or maybe because I have no other choice, but it's easier to push these sad thoughts away and just focus on the positives, like how much I love my Anthropology class. I know that everything will come together and the missing part will fade slightly (not completely, of course) . It's just, for now, I am appreciating the irony of how very right Carolyn was.
P.S. The hope of seeing you soon really helps, too.
"Two weeks. If you can get through two weeks, you're good."
I laughed at the time and thought two weeks would be cake. Well, I cheated a little by going home this weekend, but I think it still counts as a two week rule and I'm free. But as the two weeks are coming to a close, I can feel it. The pressure in my chest, the strange dreams, and all the other signs that are telling me that I am missing someone or something. I'm somewhat of a connoisseur of missing things so I can read the signs quite easily. I feel this tug deep inside and I know that these next few days will be rough. But as much I see these signs, I know I have to ignore them that much more, and figure out how to just live with it.
I'm finding it easier to forgot these baby bouts of depression here. Maybe it's that I'm getting older or maybe because I have no other choice, but it's easier to push these sad thoughts away and just focus on the positives, like how much I love my Anthropology class. I know that everything will come together and the missing part will fade slightly (not completely, of course) . It's just, for now, I am appreciating the irony of how very right Carolyn was.
P.S. The hope of seeing you soon really helps, too.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Home again, home again, jiggity jigg
So first time I went home since I've been here. Well, it's really not that big a deal since I have only been in college for a week, but it was definitely an experience. It was a short trip, less than 48 hours, which was really enough time to make me realize that the house where my parents live isn't truly my home anymore. I mean, although it is in the summer and on holidays, my life there is basically finished. It's hard to admit, and as much as I would like to just sleep in my own bed every night, I can't. And I think I'm okay with that.
I missed my crappy little dorm so much more than I would have thought. I missed being in my own place of comfort, which is what the room I call my home has become for me. Of course, it was absolutely amazing seeing a few of the people I have been missing, but there was a new pull to get home to UTSA (wow, that feels weird to see actually written down) and continue this thing called college. But despite all of the surreal situations, I really liked going home. It was like visiting my childhood, if that makes sense.
P.S. It wasn't the same without you, though.
I missed my crappy little dorm so much more than I would have thought. I missed being in my own place of comfort, which is what the room I call my home has become for me. Of course, it was absolutely amazing seeing a few of the people I have been missing, but there was a new pull to get home to UTSA (wow, that feels weird to see actually written down) and continue this thing called college. But despite all of the surreal situations, I really liked going home. It was like visiting my childhood, if that makes sense.
P.S. It wasn't the same without you, though.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)