To my mother.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY


Honestly, to the best mother ever. Seriously, it's an every day kind of amazing that I find unreal as to its greatness. My mom rocks. Plain and simple. I love her so much and couldn't be more thankful for everything she does for me, from the unwavering support about every step I take to letting me use her mascara when I forget mine at the apartment. I couldn't get by for a second without her and feel so much comfort knowing that I won't have to ever; she's that great.


Simply put, I love you, mom.
















Best mother's day event of all time. So much fun.


P.S. Thanks for letting me leave today early, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Things I love

In no particular order:


-The Royal Wedding. Yeah, okay? I'm a sucker for a Cinderella story and it was the ideal ''Princess movie."
-When my coffee is the absolute perfect temperature for drinking.
-My apartment. I'll be sad to leave in three months.
-College.
-The fact that a 9 year old taught me two songs on the guitar and made me frenzied for more.
-My mom. A lot.
-......My iPhone..........Yep, I became that person where it is my new appendage.
-Interior design blogs. I cannot stop reading (obsessing) over about 7 of them. I was a designer in my past life.
-My closet after I've done the laundry and I have so many options, it's difficult.
- My 21 year old-ness. I legit don't want to turn 22.
-Every single one of my birthday presents. First time ever that it was completely everything I needed or wanted.
-Being so dang blessed.
-Taking pictures with my beautiful, stunning, heart-stoppingly gorgeous camera.
-This American Life podcast. Well, love and hate. Why are some of them so sad?
-Crappy movies.
-Really, really good books.
-Not studying.
-Listening to a great song for like the third time and recognizing how amazing it truly is.
-My.Sisters.Completely.
-And my friends.
-Not having gone grocery shopping in way too long. Seriously, it's comical the lack of food in this apartment.
-When I really like what I'm wearing.
-Saying "C'est la vie," at the wrong time. And then all the time.
-The few moments of calm I'll have about graduation.
-Fudge brownies. Thank you, mom.
-When my hair is really super clean and beautiful.
-Biscuit.


Aaaand that's about it. Well, tons more but my roommate just got home. I love her, too.

Living to just keep going, going just to keep sane.

I need to put this into words.


I can't stop thinking about next year. I'm going to be a senior, a mere 24 credits away from graduation, and completely at odds in my life. I can't stop thinking about the future and how I have absolutely no freaking idea what I'm going to do with my life. Getting a job, grad school, being a cat lady, it all narrows down to making decisions, something I've never been particularly fond of.

I used to say that I wanted to be an editor, how ideal it would be to work in a publishing house, but now, I'm not so sure. I've realized through my English classes how very much I believe in artistic license, and that to me, writers can do whatever that want as long as it is so good I couldn't imagine not turning the page. As it turns out, that is the opposite of editors' job. How fortunate.

I would follow up that prediction by saying I would become a teacher if need be, that high school would be a fun English to teach because I always adored my teachers. However, with Texas and really the whole country budgeting the education system down to pennies, how can I consider a career that so many are being laid off from?

Even my high reaching, maybe-I'll-go-to-law-school bit is falling extremely short as partners in million dollar firms, world wide, are struggling to find a job. Law school, even grad school, looks silly when it now means more loans and more time when it doesn't seem to help most people.

Honestly, it's the most terrifying time in my life, making my senior year of high school look like a total joke. I told Emma a few weeks ago that maybe high school wasn't as awful as we bemoan it to be and she groaned in response, but there is a reason; this is so much scarier than I ever thought. I feel like on some level, I thought I would just stay in college forever. That the four years that I get to learn and be here would seem eternal while that pesky future, with its reality and jobs was an old wives tale people told to scare the naive students. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to realize it's true?

All in all, I'm stuck in this perpetual rut of not wanting to do schoolwork, because it just brings me closer to my senior year, while being so eager to make the most of it that I end up overworked and entirely too lazy. It's such a silly way to get through college, but when the alternate is getting a real job, one where I can't watch Scooby Do reruns and have twirling contests, I stick with it.

So yeah, I'm turning 21. Sure, I've got approximately 12 months until I walk across that stage and face my lifetime. Even my dreams at night have become riddled with worry and anxiety over the silliest things like signing a year-long lease on an apartment. It's all so fast and I'm confident in saying that I have no idea in my educated mind what I will do. Heaven help me.

Finally.

I finally get to post this after a solid WEEK of TORTURE!





EMMA ROSE LOGUE IS ENGAGED TO ALEXANDER GABRIEL MAREES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yes, it's weird I know his middle name, but do you know how many times Emma told me Alex has the greatest name ever? Deal with it.


Oh, thank GOD! This is here. Get ready, people.

Slow Down, Crazy!

So I was babysitting earlier and flipping through the third grader's agenda book for school. I counted the weeks until my finals. It's 6 weeks. A month and a half until my junior year is over. Holy moly.

Basically, I have a freaking lot of work to do before then. I know it's like a broken record, but I am shocked, shocked! at how quickly this semester flew by. I blame myself. Let me break it down. For Monday-Thursday, I am nose to the grindstone, non-stop with school, clubs, and church. Between meetings, projects and just all around madness, I'm rarely one of those "thank goodness for the weekend" types. My week just goes by too quickly for me to notice the time. From Thursday to Sunday, my time is filled with work. Babysitting, house sitting, anything really that will make me a little cash to put towards my Australia fund, rent, and you know, food and stuff. Honestly, it leaves little time for play, but I am loving it all so much that I don't mind.

So yeah, I guess looking back it makes sense that it went by so quickly. Still. It's difficult not to be a little crazed at how quickly it's flying by. Plus, there are so many huge hurdles to pass in the next 6 weeks that I'm overwhelmed, not just with stress but with nerves and excitement, too. My birthday and Australia meetings just to name a few, they mark time in such a way that I am too eager and too scared simultaneously because of them.

Time keeps going much too quickly as usual and the things I look forward to the most are rushing the fastest. Things I almost never thought would happen, like my 21st birthday, are happening. My days getting busier and my weeks fly by, and I am left with a very happy life full of things I love. Although I feel nostalgic for what has happened in the past few months, years and even farther back, I love the feeling of flipping the pages of a calender and wondering what will come next.

Yellow Brick Road

It's really quite comical sometimes, what an anomaly I am. Oh, well, here we go.

First of all, it is official. I am going on the Australia program with the school in June. I mean, there's technically still room to back out, but I would lose a lot of money. Plus, there is not one tiny portion of me that doesn't want this. Every single day that gets me closer to it, I get shivers of excitement. Literally, I cannot feel my elbows right now because I'm so excited. Typical, right? Well, let me explain what makes me an anomaly.

I am a terrible traveler. Honestly, I'd even go so far as to say I hate it. Ever since I've been slightly in charge of my own travels (which, sadly, have been very sparse) I suck at it. I get so unbelievable anxious and stressed, months in advance. Before I went on my UK trip, I used to have these crazy, vivid nightmares that I'd show up in London, completely alone and without a suitcase or money. I just can't help thinking about the worst possible outcomes over and over in my head. And I love not traveling, too. Like this spring break, I'm so excited because I'm house-sitting and get to do nothing. Despite this, I still overpacked, bringing enough outfits and stuff for 3 weeks instead of one. Of course, if I did travel more, I'd probably get over it, but there is still this insane inability to cope and adapt to any situation. With everything else in my life, I try so hard to be easy-going and go with the flow, even if I'm upset (which usually fails). With traveling, I have no desire to change how I am. Again, I can count how many times I've left Texas on a trip in the last five years on one hand, but still. I freakishly like it that way.

But, despite all of this, I want it, I want it so badly. I want to be able to say, "Australia? Oh, yes I've been there. Sydney is beautiful in the summer." I mean, I haven't been to France or Italy or Spain, the usual places kids my age go, but I will, eventually. The truly ironic part is I always said I could do without going Australia. But now...it feels so right, I'm so convicted, I couldn't imagine anywhere else. So despite my deep-seeded doubts about travel in itself, I know this will be everything I want and everything I never knew I could want.

So as I go through the unbelievably terrifying process of getting a loan for the trip, I hold onto this and keep making lists, endless lists about what to bring, what to buy, what to do before and during. I count down the months and weeks until I leave and then have a panic attack, as it's only 3 months. I stress about money, I stress about leaving, I stress about what's happening with the actual program (oh yeah, still an off chance it could get canceled...but, whatever). Perhaps I always will be a terrible traveler, but that's just something I have, whatever. It's like how I hate corn or can't stop watching Gilmore Girls; it's just who I am. Oh, well, anomaly forever.

Happy Valentine's Day!

This holiday is dumb. But here are some funny, sweet pics I found.