Look right.

Alright let's be real. I miss Texas. I miss my family. I miss my mom. I miss Biscuit. I miss my car. I miss routines. I miss my bed. I miss L&G. I miss my apartment. I miss babysitting. I miss my friends.


But.


I love Sydney. I love late night ping pong games. I love the bitter wind whipping my hair. I love the tall, tall buildings next to original sandstone. I love Australiana. I love the Harbour. I love backpackers. I love the sights. I love the food. I love the bus. I love it here.

Let's list.

-I saw someone doing a Flat Stanley project. Universal.
-I kind of am super annoyed by most of the people on this trip. Okay, these three girls. But I'm over it.
-Aboriginals make our Native Americans look like sissies. Good lord they were treated horribly.
-This history is like nothing I have ever heard. I can't stop knowing more.
-I realize now how incredibly, incredibly, incredibly amazing my trip to the U.K. was.
-I am sosososo glad I came here when I did. I wouldn't have understood it like this.
-Ferries are the bomb. Yes.
-I prefer the Harbour Bridge to the Opera House. Upon close inspection, the Opera House is a little blah and has somewhat of a tragic history.
-It is so freaking cold here, though. If we're not in the sun, I'm shivering, no matter what I'm wearing.
-Everything is so different and so similar, it's unnerving.
-I can't stop smiling at the locals.
-I can't stop wishing everyone I've ever loved was here with me.
-My legs won't stop hurting. Mostly because I won't stop walking.
-Good god, I am sick of people checking their facebooks. Get over it.
-And skyping in class. Just stop it.
-Sorry, that just bugs me. We are in freaking Australia.
-The professor gets my humor. The list ends there.
-It's become a very clear blur, if that makes any sense. If I don't focus on a particular moment, day or place, it spins by.
-I so love it here. It makes my heart ache to think about leaving.
-Falling into my bed every night is perhaps the most supreme pleasure I've ever had.
-Green and gold are so freaking tacky together, but I can't not love it. It's everywhere.
-The Queen could not matter less here.
-That actually makes me a little sad...
-I keep trying to walk like a Sydney-ite.
-Finally being able to look right before I look left to cross the street. Yes.


There are a thousand little things throughout the days. I couldn't begin to remember them all, even though every time I sternly tell myself to do just that. Bottom line, I am very happy. I love it here. But I miss you.

I ate kangaroo today.

It was on a pizza. And it was very odd.

Honestly, it tasted delicious, but it was a bit chewy and oddly tangy in a way that made me feel like a sad little kangaroo was watching me eat it.

I legitimately love Sydney. I've only been here for 2 days and I already feel this absolute awe for this strange place that reminds me so much of America while being so unique I've never seen anything like it. It's so beautiful and so different and so surprising, around every corner that I often find myself walking around with my mouth open, just staring.

Today all we did was walk. We walked to downtown Sydney, we walked across the Harbor Bridge, we walked to the Fish Market. Although we did get to take the train and use the bus a little bit, I preferred walking since pictures taken from a moving vehicle just plain suck, but jet lag was rampant for some. Luckily, I didn't feel much it too much except for being a little loopy yesterday. I did take a bajillion photos as well, which meant that I was either trailing behind, fixing the shutter speed or running ahead to get the perfect photo of some random building. I couldn't stop and I think the other people started getting irritated after bumping into me too many times when I would just stop walking when I something interesting, since that happened every few minutes.

We also had salt water crocodile on pizza, too which tastes like chicken and bacon that was perhaps the best bacon I have ever eaten. Apparently, Australian bacon is the best in the world and I agree with that. There was also a seafood pizza on the table which actually super sick. Salmon on pizza is not what you think it'd be but at least the knowledge is known.

The Opera House is nothing and everything I thought it would be. It's just so stunningly beautiful I couldn't stop looking at it. Then, when we came back at night, there was a light show on it and it was hands down the coolest thing I've ever seen. Although I will say that walking across the Harbor Bridge was spectacular, not only because of the views of Sydney but because of the bridge itself is so wonderful.

Alright, class starts tomorrow so I should get some rest, although my internal clock is still pretty messed up so I'm not all that tired. I miss home. I miss it a lot and it hasn't necessarily hit me that I'll be here for a month longer, mostly because I don't want to think about it because then I get too sad. I'm so excited about everything we'll be doing (even camping, after I found out it was only for one night...) so

To my mother.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY


Honestly, to the best mother ever. Seriously, it's an every day kind of amazing that I find unreal as to its greatness. My mom rocks. Plain and simple. I love her so much and couldn't be more thankful for everything she does for me, from the unwavering support about every step I take to letting me use her mascara when I forget mine at the apartment. I couldn't get by for a second without her and feel so much comfort knowing that I won't have to ever; she's that great.


Simply put, I love you, mom.
















Best mother's day event of all time. So much fun.


P.S. Thanks for letting me leave today early, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Things I love

In no particular order:


-The Royal Wedding. Yeah, okay? I'm a sucker for a Cinderella story and it was the ideal ''Princess movie."
-When my coffee is the absolute perfect temperature for drinking.
-My apartment. I'll be sad to leave in three months.
-College.
-The fact that a 9 year old taught me two songs on the guitar and made me frenzied for more.
-My mom. A lot.
-......My iPhone..........Yep, I became that person where it is my new appendage.
-Interior design blogs. I cannot stop reading (obsessing) over about 7 of them. I was a designer in my past life.
-My closet after I've done the laundry and I have so many options, it's difficult.
- My 21 year old-ness. I legit don't want to turn 22.
-Every single one of my birthday presents. First time ever that it was completely everything I needed or wanted.
-Being so dang blessed.
-Taking pictures with my beautiful, stunning, heart-stoppingly gorgeous camera.
-This American Life podcast. Well, love and hate. Why are some of them so sad?
-Crappy movies.
-Really, really good books.
-Not studying.
-Listening to a great song for like the third time and recognizing how amazing it truly is.
-My.Sisters.Completely.
-And my friends.
-Not having gone grocery shopping in way too long. Seriously, it's comical the lack of food in this apartment.
-When I really like what I'm wearing.
-Saying "C'est la vie," at the wrong time. And then all the time.
-The few moments of calm I'll have about graduation.
-Fudge brownies. Thank you, mom.
-When my hair is really super clean and beautiful.
-Biscuit.


Aaaand that's about it. Well, tons more but my roommate just got home. I love her, too.

Living to just keep going, going just to keep sane.

I need to put this into words.


I can't stop thinking about next year. I'm going to be a senior, a mere 24 credits away from graduation, and completely at odds in my life. I can't stop thinking about the future and how I have absolutely no freaking idea what I'm going to do with my life. Getting a job, grad school, being a cat lady, it all narrows down to making decisions, something I've never been particularly fond of.

I used to say that I wanted to be an editor, how ideal it would be to work in a publishing house, but now, I'm not so sure. I've realized through my English classes how very much I believe in artistic license, and that to me, writers can do whatever that want as long as it is so good I couldn't imagine not turning the page. As it turns out, that is the opposite of editors' job. How fortunate.

I would follow up that prediction by saying I would become a teacher if need be, that high school would be a fun English to teach because I always adored my teachers. However, with Texas and really the whole country budgeting the education system down to pennies, how can I consider a career that so many are being laid off from?

Even my high reaching, maybe-I'll-go-to-law-school bit is falling extremely short as partners in million dollar firms, world wide, are struggling to find a job. Law school, even grad school, looks silly when it now means more loans and more time when it doesn't seem to help most people.

Honestly, it's the most terrifying time in my life, making my senior year of high school look like a total joke. I told Emma a few weeks ago that maybe high school wasn't as awful as we bemoan it to be and she groaned in response, but there is a reason; this is so much scarier than I ever thought. I feel like on some level, I thought I would just stay in college forever. That the four years that I get to learn and be here would seem eternal while that pesky future, with its reality and jobs was an old wives tale people told to scare the naive students. Do you have any idea how much it sucks to realize it's true?

All in all, I'm stuck in this perpetual rut of not wanting to do schoolwork, because it just brings me closer to my senior year, while being so eager to make the most of it that I end up overworked and entirely too lazy. It's such a silly way to get through college, but when the alternate is getting a real job, one where I can't watch Scooby Do reruns and have twirling contests, I stick with it.

So yeah, I'm turning 21. Sure, I've got approximately 12 months until I walk across that stage and face my lifetime. Even my dreams at night have become riddled with worry and anxiety over the silliest things like signing a year-long lease on an apartment. It's all so fast and I'm confident in saying that I have no idea in my educated mind what I will do. Heaven help me.

Finally.

I finally get to post this after a solid WEEK of TORTURE!





EMMA ROSE LOGUE IS ENGAGED TO ALEXANDER GABRIEL MAREES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Yes, it's weird I know his middle name, but do you know how many times Emma told me Alex has the greatest name ever? Deal with it.


Oh, thank GOD! This is here. Get ready, people.

Slow Down, Crazy!

So I was babysitting earlier and flipping through the third grader's agenda book for school. I counted the weeks until my finals. It's 6 weeks. A month and a half until my junior year is over. Holy moly.

Basically, I have a freaking lot of work to do before then. I know it's like a broken record, but I am shocked, shocked! at how quickly this semester flew by. I blame myself. Let me break it down. For Monday-Thursday, I am nose to the grindstone, non-stop with school, clubs, and church. Between meetings, projects and just all around madness, I'm rarely one of those "thank goodness for the weekend" types. My week just goes by too quickly for me to notice the time. From Thursday to Sunday, my time is filled with work. Babysitting, house sitting, anything really that will make me a little cash to put towards my Australia fund, rent, and you know, food and stuff. Honestly, it leaves little time for play, but I am loving it all so much that I don't mind.

So yeah, I guess looking back it makes sense that it went by so quickly. Still. It's difficult not to be a little crazed at how quickly it's flying by. Plus, there are so many huge hurdles to pass in the next 6 weeks that I'm overwhelmed, not just with stress but with nerves and excitement, too. My birthday and Australia meetings just to name a few, they mark time in such a way that I am too eager and too scared simultaneously because of them.

Time keeps going much too quickly as usual and the things I look forward to the most are rushing the fastest. Things I almost never thought would happen, like my 21st birthday, are happening. My days getting busier and my weeks fly by, and I am left with a very happy life full of things I love. Although I feel nostalgic for what has happened in the past few months, years and even farther back, I love the feeling of flipping the pages of a calender and wondering what will come next.