Tryptophanin'

Ah, Thanksgiving day is coming to a close and the above seems to be happening to me. I don't know how I'm going to handle the early bird shopping, but we'll have to see what happens. As night comes, I'm reveling in the realization of all that I'm thankful for. I love how the day is basically just one long prayer to everything that you are blessed with. Friends, family, just about everything comes into sharp focus with a side of delicious stuffing or maybe some cranberry compote. It's nice to know that everyone around you is taking all this into account and giving thanks for it. That is why this holiday is my favorite. You can't help but embrace all the love and sharing going on. It's what I like to give special thanks for. I'm sorry this entry will be so brief, but my bed seems to be calling my name and the turkey in my body is demanding my immediate sleep. So to everyone reading, I am thankful for you. I hope you know how blessed I am just to have you in my life. I love you and hope you had a good Thanksgiving. Goodnight, all!

Burnin' up for you, baby.

Ah, today is nearly over. Sort of, it seems so much later than it actually is, but since my day started at 6:30 a.m. this morning, it's okay.

What, might you ask, brought me from my warm and toasty bed so very early this morning? That would be Class Registration which happened to open at 7:00 a.m. so I really had no choice but to drag my bleary self to my computer to deal with 12 server crashes (Yes, 12!) and complete chaos when the sun was just barely starting to rise. Hah, I used to be a morning person. Anyway, the moral of this story is that my early bird-ness worked because I got into all the classes I wanted. The relief was so intense I couldn't go back to sleep and found out how good the breakfast is at the Cafe at 8:30 in the morning. A first for me.

But what all this means to me was also a shock that I wasn't expecting. I think I'm burned out. I mean, I've heard of college freshmen having to deal with a lot of things but, except for the heavier workload, I thought I was doing okay for myself. But as the Thanksgiving holiday quickly approaches, I realize I am far too excited for the rest and relaxation that comes with it. Signing up for these classes made me realize how very finished I am with this semester. It isn't even that I'm that fed up with my classes (which I admit I am a little bit), I really just want a change, something to break this constant go, go, go. Even on the weekends, it's all about stuffing in the same amount of time with people as I used to have so rest is a rare commodity. As the semester comes to a close, I'm almost afraid of the ecstatic feeling I'm starting to get when a professor mentions a final.

So as this extreme change of routine comes around, I feel more accepting that I have in the past then my world turning upside down. I'm ready to not be a freshmen anymore and so unbelievably thankful that I'm almost half way to that point where I'm not. And oddly enough, my focus intensifies as I've recently found out that helps with dealing with the weeks ahead. I just can't wait to spring into second semester (pun intended).

P.S. I hope you're hanging on, just like I am.

What Dreams May Come

Sidenote: My mom wouldn't let me watch that movie when I was young because she knew I'd get scared. Well, I watched it anyway and got scared. Good movie, though.

Last night, or maybe even early this morning, I had a very strange dream. First off, let me start with, I don't like dreams. They're always confusing and I can only remember parts and the parts I do remember, usually mess me up and make me feel weird for the whole day or a few days. But that's another blog entirely. In the most recent dream, I dreamt I went to my old high school to visit my favorite teacher, Ms. Conroy. I went into her class and it was a big emotional reunion type thing. She asked me if I could talk to her class about college and stuff which I did. Then she just left the dream. The bell rang and the class filed out, but Conroy wasn't there. I looked around for awhile, upset that I couldn't see her one last time, but just left, unsatisfied. That is when I woke up, completely jumbled. I hate dreams.

Also, another thing I really dislike about dreams; they always mean something, some subconscious desire or fear. I mean, as an book lover, I should love symbolism. Well, not when it comes to myself. Too weird. Well, I think I have a little bit of this dream figured out (a first for me, usually my dreams are pointless). I think this dream connects the fact that I've been quite sick for the past few days and it makes me feel like I'm back in gradeschool. Also, subconciously, I think I'm missing parts of my high school years immensely, so much they manifest in my dreams. Of course, I do miss my beloved english teacher, but I can't help but realize that she is symbolic for someone else that I'm missing so much. Everything is changing, and it's starting to feel like I didn't get that memo.

Then again, another night will come and I'll have another odd dream that will make me all confused about it. Although, I know in my heart that this dream actually revealed something. The sad part is that it's scaring me more than the worst of nightmares.

P.S. But in your dreams, whatever they may be, dream a little dream of me.

Historically Accurate

Well, it's done. We have a new president. I was sitting on the floor with a friend of mine who was too sick to go out when it all happened. I didn't realize till MSNBC cut to the crowds of people cheering in New York, Chicago, and California. My roommate called me, ecstatic, but I found myself subdued. She's always called me cynical, but I just have this feeling that this will all end in tragedy. As much as I hate for that to happen, I give the man even more credit for having the courage and the faith to lead us anyway. I like that. And hate that. But for now, I'll do what our 44th president has been asking of his country for the last year; hope. I challenge you all to do the same. Forgive me for the sparse entry, but I don't believe there's much more to say.






























P.S. I know you'll hope. It's what you're best at.

I've always thought Untitled was an oxymoron

Because by calling something Untitled, you are giving it a title. Right? Oh, what a crazy world we live in.

Okay, so Halloween is in approximately three days. I don't really have plans. I mean, there are plans, but I don't know if I want to follow them. Thanksgiving is (ah!) in three weeks. It's going to be an event to remember. I found out my sister Kacey decided to come which is great, of course. At least we can be three out of the four, right? Right... Plus a certain best friend is flying in which might be too much too handle and I will have to break down in embarrassing sobs right there in the airport :) Haha, I wouldn't do that to you, don't worry.

Well, I certainly had a Day. Started out a little shaky. I walk to my morning class with a good friend of mine and today we had a less than pleasant subject for conversation. Another friend of ours seems to be not handling college as well as everyone thought she would. She's in my prayers and it's turning out to be one of those situations that prayers are really the only way I can help. Then I continued on with my day with my favorite class, Anthropology. We received our tests back and I was very pleased with the nice shiny A I received. Until he explained the grading. Through an intricate mathematical system, it turns out I got an 89, which means...a B. Which means ONE POINT away from an A. That definitely brought down my day in a way. I mean, one...point...It's not life-changing but still.

Then, the doozie. I had a test in my biology class that turned out to be a lot harder than I thought...or studied for. Our professor at the very beginning of the class went on and on about how this class was different, almost easy. This test completely contradicted that and I almost started crying in the lecture hall. I did my best, which only got me a C... Again, not life-changing but still very hard to accept when I'm trying to get a 3.7 GPA. And considering my luck, he's the one professor that doesn't offer any type of extra credit. So I'm stuck with my C. Yippee!

It all wouldn't be a big deal except for the fact that this day seems to be mirroring how I've been feeling the last couple weeks. It all seems so much...harder than I anticipated. It's not just the work, I'm pretty sure it's just an off week, it's everything. Juggling friends, weekends, and just college has started to tire me out and it's only October! I've been starting to look at my situation and wonder if I'm doing it wrong. Should I be so burned out only at the end of my second month? I just find myself looking forward to the end of the semester so violently that I can't find the happiness in this one. I feel like I'm looking for all the answers, and coming up empty-handed. Ah, but I'm hoping it will pass. These last few weeks have been stressful, but I can still feel the hope that certain things (and people) still provide. So again, I know I'm okay.

P.S. See the parenthesis? That's you.

Halfsies

Wow, it's been a week since my last post, but I have been so unbelievably busy (midterms...suck) that I have barely had to time to check my e-mail let alone hit up my blog. For that, I am very sorry to the crowds of followers I am so sure I have. I know it must have been so rough for you :)

I was talking to a close friend of mine when I suddenly realized I'm halfway through the first semester of my freshmen year. I mean, Halloween is so close and Thanksgiving is just around the corner, two events I honestly cannot wait for. It seems to all be flying by so quickly but at the same time, I feel like I can keep the pace. I'm finding myself more easily organized, thinking clearly about the things I need to, and focusing most of my energy on just getting everything done. I've even started keeping my closet organized, which is revolutionary for me.

When I went to church this Sunday, the pastor did the miraculously thing he usually does and gave a sermon on exactly what I needed to hear; It was all about opening up to all the possibilities and opening your eyes to be able to see all the wonderful potential around you. That's why I've been just keeping my priorities general and easily at bay because I know that the biggies are coming, and I've just been biding my time until I can just accept them and take them as they are. So as the middle of my semester is passing me, while I idly wave it on, I like to think that I am just taking things as they come and just letting everything stay open enough where I can be happy with what I have. Which I am. Incredibly so.

So with keeping my options open, studying like crazy, and just attempting to keep everything going forward in general, I couldn't be happier to realized I'm right where I should be. It's nice to think that I'm about to be over the hill of the hard part and that I'm coming out of all this relatively unscathed (although my brain may or may not survive the cramming that is going on up there). Also, the obvious lack of sleep has begun to take its toll. I'm okay, so it's okay.

P.S. I wish they didn't make that stupid movie called P.S. I Love You so I could write P.S. I love you without thinking about that. But I do love you.

When in doubt, rearrange the furniture

I like lists. So here goes.

-I can't stop reading books. Books not for school. I think it's a bad thing
-I've discovered my love for coffee. Unfortunately.
-Rain sucks. It makes mud.
-Midterms. Wait, what?
-I miss my best friend.
-Music has become such an addiction. I'm the kid constantly with her headphones in.
-I liked going back to school to see Fall Show. But I'm done with that now. And that's okay.
-Still a little lonely
-My eating schedule is way off. Who get's hungry at 3, but can't eat dinner at 7?
-Gossip Girl/90210....can't live without?
-I'm actually making friends.
-I've learned that going home is harder but for the wrong reasons.
-Make-up is pointless.
-I'm smarter than my English professor.
-Hanes V-neck and dark jeans=my uniform.
-Raspberry iced tea is heavenly.
-I actually like Cafe food.
-Carson and I get along well. Better than some would have thought.
-I really miss my best friend.
-Anthropology has changed my life. I wish my other classes were half as cool.
-I'm thinking of getting involved in the musical theatre dept. here...sort of.
-Four little words. I can has cheezburger. It's my anti-cool.
-Fluffernutter. Delish.
-I miss my sisters.
-I think I'm actually doing well, despite all the mocking that I'm not.
-I can feel myself changing as a person. Is that weird?
-iMacs are better than Macbooks. For life.
-A guy tipped his cowboy hat to me today. It creeped me out.
-The election is such a forefront here, it astounds me. I can't wait to vote.
-College is...so different from high school. I like it.
-I want to road trip now.
-Have I mentioned missing a best friend of mine?
-Random tidbits obviously make up my life.
-The light in our sink area went out. It sucks. Maintenance people ignore us.
-I think I'm really happy.
-I actually like going to class. I see why people do it.
-Blogging is still fun. It's a record I've kept one this long.

Okay, that's all for now. I'll probably think of a million charming things in about five minutes, but it is what it is. I hope it kept you informed!

P.S. I like that you keep me informed. A lot.