Gah!

Sorry, sorry! You know the phrase 'whirlwind of activity'? That about sums up the last few weeks of my somewhat hectic life. Time to catch up!

Okay, so a few major events have been going on. One: I got a job. It's really not that exciting, in fact, it's kind of boring and not exactly my cup of tea, but my mother says I need to learn money management and it gives me said money to learn how to manage. Oh, yeah, sorry, it's at the sandwich shop Which Wich. I'm fairly sure it's a central Texas thing and actually kind of a cool gig, but I think it's safe to say, sandwich making is not my calling in life. I get by, but who knew it could be on the difficult side? We'll see how long it lasts, because it's safe to say I'm still job searching.

Alright, what else...Oh, yeah application to the University of Texas is officially in. Let me just say it was one of the most stressful nights of my life because (shocker!) I waited until the absolute final deadline to make sure everything was perfect and in order. Talk about sweaty palms, heart racing, and all that intense stress stuff. Not my ideal situation, but at least it's in, right? Haha, I keep forgetting that the actual stressful part is the whole waiting to find out if I get in or not. Oh, which reminds me: please, please, PLEASE keep me in your thoughts and prayer. Lord knows I need it (pun intended).

Blah, and thirdly, so this last week was my spring break. Literally, one of the worst weeks of my life. I mean, that kind of sounds like an overstatement, but not really. Awful weather, no one had the same week off, and just all around a bad week. It also went by ridiculously quickly, which you might think would be a good thing since it sucked so much, but not really because I didn't even get a chance to make it better. Blah, mega bust to say the least. However, the silver lining means that now, school is on the fast track to be over. Jeez, louise I can't wait till summer, lemme tell ya.

Hmm, okay I don't think there's anything else. I mean, there probably is, but I'm kinda tired and it's a really beautiful day out (just.my.luck) so I think I'm going to go lay by the pool and maybe get a nap in. Ahh, the glory of college and the freedom that comes along with it...Alrighty, readers, I give you my word that it won't be that long before another post. Have a good week!

P.S. I miss you, a lot. A lot, a lot.

My fingertips are purple.

It's really not that exciting, I just wanted a catchy title. I ate some blackberries on the way to class today and they stained my fingers before I could wash them. There, aren't you glad you started reading?

So as this week begins, I breathe a very heavy sigh of relief over the fact that the last two weeks are finally over. Tests in every classes, three essays and all around madness made school downright unbearable. Luckily, all I have to focus on this week is my UT application. Easy, right?

Oh, wait...

Hahah, no, it's really all right. I had most of the actual application finished, so all I really have to work on are the essays. It's still a lot to handle, but I'm slowly getting better at that organization and management thing (I know, took me long enough). So as I'm checking things off my list, I'm finding it easier to think about getting those things done than facing up to the difficult tasks. The thought of failure definitely slows me when I'm brainstorming ideas for my essays and planning out when I can get my transcripts. It's scary, the simple thought of next year being up in the air, but I know that no matter what happens, I'll be fine (as long as I get out of San Antonio; it's crushing my soul). I can handle whatever is thrown my way; if I couldn't, it wouldn't be mine to handle.

The one thing I've learned the hard way these past few years is most of the time, it doesn't go the way you planned. That's what makes life so interesting and livable. Of course, when you're talking about the rest of your life, it makes sense that you're going to be panicky. The thought of not getting into UT...I mean, it's on the slightly terrifying side, but I know I'll be okay. Someone has a plan for me, and I'm putting every egg I have in His basket. All I have to do is try my hardest. Easy peasy.

Alright, I know this is a short one, but my 120 lines of eighty characters (yeah, I don't know what that means either) essays call my name and I am far too freaked out to ignore them. Really, all I ask of my avid readers is a simple prayer that my path is shown to me quickly, preferably in a thick envelope covered in burnt orange and white. Thanks!

P.S. The most effortless part about all this is knowing that when it gets to be far too much, you're a phone call away.

P.P.S

Ah, also quick side note:

After I write a blog, I feel so much better letting the ones I love know a little something about what's going on it my life. I can't tell you the love and appreciation that fills me up to the brim right after I finish with an entry. Jeez, I hope any of you have half of the fun reading these as I do writing them. So an extra thanks, for reading.

Looking Glass Self

Okay, so by the grace of the Lord, my math class was canceled. I took this as a sign that I did indeed have piles of work to do and also that I should take the time needed to write a new entry of my lovely blog. And away we go...

So as midterms and what have you approach ridiculously quickly, I'm finding it harder and harder to update the word a day calender I got for Christmas. Incredulity sets in as February comes faster than I thought possible and as I check the weather in the morning to decide what to wear, I realize that spring is so rapidly setting in I almost missed it. It's kind of a nice feeling, but also a little scary. A friend of mine commented that as we are getting older, it seems the years are flying by a lot faster, something I agreed with instantly. But hopefully with this recent awareness, I can slow it all down to also comprehend that I am actually having a great time. This semester is becoming something I know I will remember when looking back on those "College Days."

I guess I can rightfully say that I did suffer from that freshmen syndrome the first semester. I didn't want to have to deal with anything that was going on, something that usually gets me into trouble. Being thrown into new situations constantly took a toll I was too afraid to admit, but now I am all too happy to say that I am getting much better at foreseeing them before they hit me head on. I think I also have my new day-planner to thank for that, though...

To sum up, (English teachers always told me never to use this, but I always like it so whatever) I have such hope for this new semester and my great classes that I'm really starting to fall in love with in a way that was impossible before (it's almost creepy how much I'm learning about myself in Sociology). Hah, so before I get too naive and immature for my readers, I will just conclude my thoughts into one little nice sentence: I have big goals for this semester and an iron-like will to have them met. Hope you have the same optimism for me.

P.S. If you don't know what the title of this blog means, please look it up. It's rather fascinating and I learned about it only just today.

Belated New Year's Resolution

So I am currently attempting to break a 15 year old habit of biting my nails. I've tried this countless times before with no success, but for some reason I have extra hope for this most recent venture. It could be the way I'm actually trying to do it (I'm putting on liberal amounts of clear nail polish so instead of biting them, I just pick off the nail polish; gross, but it's worked so far). It could also have to do with the fact that I'm tired of having chewed up fingers and the inability to get a manicure. All in all, I think it mostly has to do with the reality that I need a better way to take out my stress and boredom. Plus I'm tired of my mom smacking my hand every time it gets near my mouth.

I suppose this whole endeavor is somewhat symbolic, as most resolutions are. They're all about change and challenging yourself to do things you wouldn't normally do, which is exactly what I am trying to do. Okay, so I'm starting small but if you know me, you realize that if I can stop biting my nails, it's kind of epic. So nails first, world peace later.

So as I pick at my finger nails and repaint them about 3 times a day (poor carson, our dorm constantly smells of nail polish), I am climbing hills and attempting the almost unreachable. Luckily, I have hope for the better. Maybe that's the whole reason for a New Year's resolution, to teach you to hope for something that you haven't even wanted to try in the past. I know I am learning quite a bit about self control (I don't know if you guys realize how intense this whole process is) and can finally look down at my hands without being slightly disgusted. Well, here's to the hope that I can change for the best and have the satisfaction of tapping my nails on something, anything.

P.S. I hope you achieve all your resolutions, whatever they may be.

Procrastination Station: Destination Emmatown!

Okay, let me begin with an incredibly sincere apology to the waves of people reading this. I am really, really sorry that I have let this blog fall through the cracks. It was never my intention, and I hope none of you were offended by my delay of a new post.

Haha, no, but seriously. I am sorry. Being at home was rather...uninspiring as another blogger I know so eloquently put. I mean, it was a very heavily needed break, but as I spent most of the month on my couch watching HBO movies over and over again, all the while deciding whether I could go that third day without washing my hair, I didn't think many of that needed to put in an entry. It did have its ups and downs, but what event in life doesn't? There were even times where being back with everyone was truly surreal and borderline unbearable. In the end, though it turned out to be exactly what I needed. A touch of perspective and a huge anticipation to return helped the days go by and lead my back to where I am now, literally and figuratively. But more to the point, people had to suffer for my lack of posts which is why I hope to make amends tonight and hopefully put up a valid enough report on what has been going on in my day to day life.

So classes started again, a full WEEK before most people had to go back, but luckily, I've chosen not to dwell on that and just accept the fact that I am jumping headlong into my spring semester of my freshmen year. It started out rocky, like many things in life, but it evened out enough that I could see the potential in everything that is going on. I feel myself on that track that everyone is always talking about, just riding along, taking everything that the Lord decides to throw on it. A close friend told a story the other day about how having a willing heart led her the right way, and I've been trying to do the same this week as classes begin and realize an 8 a.m. math class isn't for me. Ah, it helps having someone to rely on through everything and anything.

But as for the rest of the on-goings of my life, not much has happened. I envied those who got to stay longer at home, but then I realized it's a holiday weekend so I'm going home in two days, so it turns out to not be a dilemma at all. I don't know what to say really, except that I think everything that seem so jumbled just a few days ago had a new light shone on it with my leaving town. So I think I'll just take everything as it is and really hope for the best. I know I'm in good hands. Hope you'll all stay tuned to see how it all turns out.

P.S. It's really good to know you're right next to me on this train called Life.

You do what you can.

So I thought it wise to write a quick blog before I go into the self-induced study coma for finals. That is at the top of the list of madness that seems to love to take part of my life. But it's almost a relief to know I have to ignore half of everything and just focus on the tumultuous tasks ahead. It's almost a surreal experience to already be scheduling study times when it feels like the semester started yesterday. I can clearly remember move in day and yet here I sit 3 and half months later.

Tonight at dinner, a friend of mine was talking about how we're just about half way finished with our freshmen year. It seems to be flying by and it seems to be scaring me more than I think it should. Of course, I can almost see everyone reading this and shaking their heads who have gone through this already and call me foolish, but it really feels like this is all happening too fast. It's not just classes and everything, which I have a surprisingly firm grip on. It's also all this change that seems to be happening to me. A good friend of mine and I were talking over this thanksgiving break and she was telling me about how much she's grown as a person over these few months and I realized that I was in the same boat. Some might not be able to tell (I didn't until she mentioned it), but I am not the same person I was when I first came here.

I suppose I've sort of known as it happens. Whenever I would hang out with friends, I started noticing I wasn't really having fun, and was almost bored with everything going on. I couldn't really figure out why what had satisfied me over the summer and before wasn't cutting it for me now. This break was an excellent example of what I hadn't realized I was looking for; amazing company, even better conversation, and just having the chance to be with people I loved that loved me without having to worry about drama or other pointless ventures.

Of course, this is all still transitional. I'm still the very silly, weird kid that I hope you all know and love. It just so happens that I'm growing up a little and finding myself very thankful to certain people for letting me know that it's okay to do so. I really hope that's okay with everyone and that maybe you're seeing the changes too.

I also hope this blog offers enough to last awhile since I most likely won't have time to do another for a few weeks. Thank you, final exams. I am thinking of you all and hope you think of me as well as I fight my way through my first bout of college finals. It will an intense battle, one I cannot wait to be over with.

P.S. Since I know I don't say it enough, thank you. For everything. I love you.