Ah, autumn is approaching so quickly and so very slowly at the same time. If I could pick a favorite season, it would be fall. But I say that about all four so I suppose it doesn't mean much. The other day in class, I unfortunately fell out of focus and started remembering this time last year. So many things wrong, so much trouble, and drama; a memorable time to say the least. I was miserable because of college and theatre but so happy at the same time because through it all, I made a best friend, one I intend to keep for always. It was such a strange time, looking back on it. I fiercely loved and morbidly hated every minute of it and I don't regret it in any way. I just remember it rather clearly and I know there are so many reasons why.
But it's a new month, a new year, and such a new place. I'm still in that hazy impression of life, mostly just going the motions while still trying to understand how very quickly my life is moving forward. I'm in college, for goodness' sake. If anything, I wish I could go back to tell myself that in just a few short months, all of that would be nothing but a distant memory of such intense emotions and events. Someone I occasionally consider a little too smart told me that I should focus on today; it's my blessing and all I should heed any attention to. I think I'm starting to practice that instead of just living in theory as is my norm. And of course, thanking Him along every line.
Although, as hard as I try to live in the now (how mod!), I'm still counting down. It's a habit of mine I've been trying to break since I realized I had it. Counting down till holidays, till I see people, till everything is okay and a thousand other nameless things that I should just wait for patiently rather than marking off day by day. It's ridiculous to live like that and I'm surprised that I'm beginning to slow down with it. The good thing about college is you have so much time to focus on you and yourself. It's turning out to be exactly what the doctor ordered.
So as this month launches itself upon us all, I accept it as graciously as possible and just focus on being able to juggle all the things being thrown at me. I'm still riding the roller coaster that I seem to never be able to get off of, but I'm starting to realize I wouldn't want it any other way. I seem to be finally able to enjoy the ride, as hectic and crazy as it is. For now, I'm good. So it's good. Now all I truly have to focus on is that paper due next week...
P.S. Hold your own, know your name, and go your own way. Everything will be fine.
