Alright. This sucks.
I don't want to graduate. I want to graduate. I want to leave school. Please don't make me go. I love all my friends here! Hate these stupid bit**es... Learning is awesome. If I learn one more thing, I'ma jump off a bridge. I love my apartment, this place is the best! Ugh, I'm ready to move home.
Day in and day out, it's becoming the same old routine of flip-flopping between the two extremes that have been haunting this semester. My classes are such a drag, my to-do list is laughable, I have to deal with idiots who overuse ellipses in their emails, I don't ever have to time to do anything. But then I'll run into friends on campus, make plans for next weekend in the Comm Lab, spot that cute guy in my research class, walk to the den to get some coffee, it's so dang pleasant I could do it forever. It's like I'm bipolar, or something, or like I suddenly get smacked in the face with my blessings in between the muddle and muck. Even studying in my tiny room crammed full of books and all mine, is okay, mostly because I know there's not a lot of time like this left, regardless how much I don't want to read these chapters.
I told myself at the beginning of the semester when everything started to immediately crash down with chaos that what I need most these next few months is perspective. There are precious months, weeks, days left of my undergraduate career, this will never my life again come May and I need to relish every good, bad, ugly, beautiful moment. I just hope I can hold on for long enough to see that day come.
Yeah, the future freaks the bananas out of me and no, I don't have anything figured out past next week, but I am beginning to realize that those aren't the points of focus for now. I've got a whole lot of time after graduation to be all about the future. Now is the now, as confusing as that is. So I'll take a big, deep breath, pick up this dissertation for my Environmental Comm class and get my head in the game. I can do it. Perspective.
