Hit the brakes.

Yesterday, we went to our favorite local cafe down the street, but were too tired to walk so we took the bus. I pressed the button to alert the driver that we needed to get off and instead of stopping at the next stop, he slammed on his brakes and we all almost fell forward. It was intense.

So yeah, that cold trickle of fear that soon I have to leave this city, and face the very real possibility that I might never come back, has started to be at the forefront of my mind. Tonight, on the bus ride home from the aquarium, I kept glancing into all these bars, restaurants, even mini marts that I have yet to explore. Granted, most of them probably aren't even worth more than that glance, but I keep fearing for the lost possibilities of what they could be worth. Even going down Glebe Point Rd, the street the hostel is on, there are a hundred reminders of how this city can be given proper justice in a mere month.

That's another thing that gets me about traveling, is the almost overwhelming amount of insignificance I feel whenever I venture into a new city. From a street to a nation, I feel as if I still don't know Australia and that I could spend a lifetime here and still be in the dark of so much that it holds. Then I expand that thought to everywhere else I would kill to visit; Paris, Rome, Prague, Athens, Rio de Janeiro, Cairo, Portland, Amsterdam, Moscow, Chicago, New Orleans, Bali, Capetown, and about a thousand other places I couldn't even begin to imagine. Traveling always makes me itch for more travel, but it also floods me with how very small I am compared to this world and it makes me want nothing more than to stay at home, happy in my small towns.

However, this city is now a part of me, because I have been a part of it. I have spent these last few weeks attempting to memorize everything I see to keep with me forever, because Sydney is too beautiful to forget. My hands tremble at the mere thought of never returning to Australia, but as many of my classmates say, there are too many other places to go to think about returning here. I have come to know the very depth of Australiana, and truly wish I could come back with everyone I know and love to show them how exceptional this place is.

So as people grumble, tensions and stress running high, I smile on, loving this city, this country. Missing home is evident in waiting awkwardly for the bathroom, wishing more than anything for filtered water, and a thousand other things that could hardly be called luxuries. For now, I cringe at the thought of leaving Sydney and snap one more photo, because the thousand I have just aren't enough.

This is Sydney winter.

Today is the winter solstice for Australia, well the southern hemisphere, but I feel it here. The rain has finally, finally stopped, much to the joy of most of NSW, since most of the state is flooded from it. This country is not equipped to handle so much rain.

However, it is still bitterly cold any time you step out of the sun. The sun is still harshly warm, since the lack of ozone here. The mountains were practically unbearable in its chill, although the rainforest was quite warm despite the lack of sun.

The mountains. They were...very close to being the death of me (cliffs are real, guys) but also perhaps the most uniquely beautiful thing I have ever seen. They are actually blue, due to the haze given off the eucalyptus trees covering the mountains. All the guides said how desperately they needed a bush fire, and that much was evident in the bush, which was crowded over with green, green life.

The three sisters, the three distinct rock formations that aboriginals call sisters, because myth says that their father, during a war, turned them into rocks to protect them, but died in war so they stayed as rocks forever. It was so, so strange a formation that I began to really believe that there were trapped sisters within the rocks.

I love Sydney. I love Oxford street, the book store-coffee shop-art gallery-shopping district of Sydney. I love the people here, and the fact that they love me for my Americanisms.

However, there is tension rippling throughout the group, obviously. We have been on a jam-packed schedule which leaves us little to no free time to get away from each other. Thus, there has been annoyance at the silliest things and cliques forming and breaking within 2 days. But, then we all remember we're in Australia and let it go. That is perhaps the best part of this place. It makes you remember how truly delightful it is.

I am ready to be home in 2 weeks though. I miss the most random things, like looking after kids and my bathroom. Hanging out with one of the girls from the hostel who was American made me remember how freaking lucky we all are to be American and from our homes. So I will count myself beyond lucky to be here, then be too eager the entire 24 hour travel time to see Texas.

Today.

Looking back, today was rather unremarkable. We just went to Featherdale Wildlife Preserve.

It was also the best day.

We fed kangaroos and wallabies (although I could not tell you the difference to save my life). We petted koalas. We laughed at a Tasmanian devil who would not stop running in circles. We took the train for a long time and without any tunnels. The weather was flawless, only raining for a few minutes in the morning.

We ate at the train station, unabashedly stuffing our faces with McDonald's (yeah, I know) because it was the first thing we'd eat that day. One of the girls kept drifting off on the train, only to jerk herself awake moments later. One of the boys was so hungover from last night (it was the State of Origin rugby finals) that he slept the whole way to Featherdale. I felt extremely happy to see the skyline on the way home.

I literally want a kangaroo more than anything in the whole world now. They are so cute and soft and quirky with their facial expressions and creepy human-like hands. They are so Australia that it felt so real that we're not America, if that makes any sense. It was too short a time to spend with them, feeding and petting them, helping the babies get to the food, too.

Anyway. I love Australia. I don't think I can say it enough. It is the most amazing place and everyone needs to see it.

Of all the gin joints.

So we made kind of a splash when we first arrived to our backpackers (read: hostel) because we were not only American but because we were from Texas. This hostel is somewhat off the beaten path because it's not downtown and it's a bit...local. Everyone fortunately knows Texas because of the presidents coming out of it, so there is no need to say we're American anymore because for one, our accents give that away, and for another, saying Texas is enough.

Anyway, it was very disconcerting to walk over to the kitchen for breakfast, bleary-eyed and scrounging together the free toast and cereal, to hear our accents in other people. Turns out there is a group of about 30 Americans who are touring around Australasia that are from several different states and they have stolen our thunder. Of course, we're hostel regulars now, so the shine has worn off a bit, but still.

Also, funnily enough, they are annoying to us, with their loud, American ways. I'm not saying we're typical Australians now, but this place has become home and they are like raucous house guests that won't leave us alone. Of course, as soon as they caught on that we were Americans too, they flipped and really bugged us. We told them a bit about ourselves, as you do in the kitchen, warned them that the "cinnamon" they're putting on their toast is instant coffee and booked it out of there with our breakfast.

Of course, we are obviously still tourists. When we went to Bondi, which is indescribably beautiful, what pictures I took do not do it justice, we were the only ones on the beach. Of course, it was pouring down rain and it's winter here, but still.

We have favorites here, cafes that we frequent. We have become regulars at coffee shops and gelato cafes near the hostel. Granted, they mostly remember us because of our Texas origins, but it feels nice to walk in to a foreign place and get a smile, perhaps a free croissant if we're lucky. We have taken this week and made Sydney what we need it to be: home. Well, some of us. Others still stubbornly refuse. Their loss.

So when we see tourists, bold enough to be American, we get our feathers ruffled despite the irony there. Sydney is ours now and having a big group of people remind us of our true home, it's too jarring to deal with. Perhaps it's dramatic (yes, it's terribly dramatic) but at least for me, I'll duck my head and play along with the foreigners, but know I have a slightly superior air to uphold.

Look right.

Alright let's be real. I miss Texas. I miss my family. I miss my mom. I miss Biscuit. I miss my car. I miss routines. I miss my bed. I miss L&G. I miss my apartment. I miss babysitting. I miss my friends.


But.


I love Sydney. I love late night ping pong games. I love the bitter wind whipping my hair. I love the tall, tall buildings next to original sandstone. I love Australiana. I love the Harbour. I love backpackers. I love the sights. I love the food. I love the bus. I love it here.

Let's list.

-I saw someone doing a Flat Stanley project. Universal.
-I kind of am super annoyed by most of the people on this trip. Okay, these three girls. But I'm over it.
-Aboriginals make our Native Americans look like sissies. Good lord they were treated horribly.
-This history is like nothing I have ever heard. I can't stop knowing more.
-I realize now how incredibly, incredibly, incredibly amazing my trip to the U.K. was.
-I am sosososo glad I came here when I did. I wouldn't have understood it like this.
-Ferries are the bomb. Yes.
-I prefer the Harbour Bridge to the Opera House. Upon close inspection, the Opera House is a little blah and has somewhat of a tragic history.
-It is so freaking cold here, though. If we're not in the sun, I'm shivering, no matter what I'm wearing.
-Everything is so different and so similar, it's unnerving.
-I can't stop smiling at the locals.
-I can't stop wishing everyone I've ever loved was here with me.
-My legs won't stop hurting. Mostly because I won't stop walking.
-Good god, I am sick of people checking their facebooks. Get over it.
-And skyping in class. Just stop it.
-Sorry, that just bugs me. We are in freaking Australia.
-The professor gets my humor. The list ends there.
-It's become a very clear blur, if that makes any sense. If I don't focus on a particular moment, day or place, it spins by.
-I so love it here. It makes my heart ache to think about leaving.
-Falling into my bed every night is perhaps the most supreme pleasure I've ever had.
-Green and gold are so freaking tacky together, but I can't not love it. It's everywhere.
-The Queen could not matter less here.
-That actually makes me a little sad...
-I keep trying to walk like a Sydney-ite.
-Finally being able to look right before I look left to cross the street. Yes.


There are a thousand little things throughout the days. I couldn't begin to remember them all, even though every time I sternly tell myself to do just that. Bottom line, I am very happy. I love it here. But I miss you.

I ate kangaroo today.

It was on a pizza. And it was very odd.

Honestly, it tasted delicious, but it was a bit chewy and oddly tangy in a way that made me feel like a sad little kangaroo was watching me eat it.

I legitimately love Sydney. I've only been here for 2 days and I already feel this absolute awe for this strange place that reminds me so much of America while being so unique I've never seen anything like it. It's so beautiful and so different and so surprising, around every corner that I often find myself walking around with my mouth open, just staring.

Today all we did was walk. We walked to downtown Sydney, we walked across the Harbor Bridge, we walked to the Fish Market. Although we did get to take the train and use the bus a little bit, I preferred walking since pictures taken from a moving vehicle just plain suck, but jet lag was rampant for some. Luckily, I didn't feel much it too much except for being a little loopy yesterday. I did take a bajillion photos as well, which meant that I was either trailing behind, fixing the shutter speed or running ahead to get the perfect photo of some random building. I couldn't stop and I think the other people started getting irritated after bumping into me too many times when I would just stop walking when I something interesting, since that happened every few minutes.

We also had salt water crocodile on pizza, too which tastes like chicken and bacon that was perhaps the best bacon I have ever eaten. Apparently, Australian bacon is the best in the world and I agree with that. There was also a seafood pizza on the table which actually super sick. Salmon on pizza is not what you think it'd be but at least the knowledge is known.

The Opera House is nothing and everything I thought it would be. It's just so stunningly beautiful I couldn't stop looking at it. Then, when we came back at night, there was a light show on it and it was hands down the coolest thing I've ever seen. Although I will say that walking across the Harbor Bridge was spectacular, not only because of the views of Sydney but because of the bridge itself is so wonderful.

Alright, class starts tomorrow so I should get some rest, although my internal clock is still pretty messed up so I'm not all that tired. I miss home. I miss it a lot and it hasn't necessarily hit me that I'll be here for a month longer, mostly because I don't want to think about it because then I get too sad. I'm so excited about everything we'll be doing (even camping, after I found out it was only for one night...) so