Fear and Loathing in San Antonio

Okay, that's an extreme title for a post, but we've been learning about attention grabbers in Freshmen Composition. Did it work?

But as extreme as it is, it's also slightly true, to some degree. First part: Fear. I am so afraid. I'm afraid of not doing well. I'm afraid of being the only one left at UTSA while everyone else moves on to UT. I'm afraid of not making friends. I'm afraid of strangers talking to me. I'm afraid of being afraid. Oh, and I'm afraid of the dark still. I though that would go away. But as afraid as I am (it can get overwhelming sometimes), it doesn't surpass all the more positive emotions I'm feeling about all of this. Yeah, I'm afraid of doing poorly in classes, but I'm so eager to be learning in some of them that it almost makes me laugh. I've even found the common sense enough to know that even if I don't make it back to UT next year, it is far from the end of the world. So yeah, I'm really scared. But who isn't? It's college.

As for the loathing, that is definitely an extreme. What I'm feeling isn't really loathing at all. It's a combo of different emotions that sometimes add up to loathing but not loathing towards one direct thing (although, I could possibly loathe my Freshmen comp professor...). I'm still sad about missing friends and family. There is still the nervous tension about being in new places with new people. I am also know for getting frustrated easily over the littlest things, like forgotten assignments or scheduling problems. But just like with the fear, the positive things are far superior to the not so nice things.

So when it comes right down to it, I'm okay. I may not be ridiculously happy all the times, but I'm finding a good balance, one I can accept easily. And that, for me, is a good example of doing well.

In closing (too much time in lectures?), I also want to thank everyone who actually reads this. You have no idea how much it means to me that you take a few minutes out of your day or week to just check on me. It feels so incredibly nice. So thanks. I love you guys, too.

P.S. I hope you are doing well also, and will tell me when you're not.