Tryin' to Find A Balance

It's so funny whenever I get a spare few hours of free time in which no studying needs to be done or any of that, I'm so excited that I fill it with tasks until I'm back to being stressed out. Oy, oh well.

So a few days, I got into this in depth conversation with my best friend/roommate about something that's been nagging at me for awhile, concerning her boyfriend. To put it plainly to my readers, she spends an obnoxious amount of time with him, while her friends, classes, and even parents are left to the wayside. Which is okay, most of the time, because it's her first "love" and she's supposed to be all wrapped up in it, but I felt the need to say something, because well, that's what I do. It turned out okay, but entirely too emotional. Like, when I talked to my eldest sister later, I just sobbed and sobbed because of all the bottled up emotions I had left. However, we both really said things we needed to say and she needed to hear. My main motif of the talk was that she needs to find a balance of all things. And step off, she listened to me and did just that. Of course, it will be interesting to see how it sticks, but there you go.

Anyway, I've lingered on this thought of balance for a long time. I feel like it's so taboo, one of those things that people forget to tell as you grown up. It seems so simple, yet wow, impossible too. It's definitely something I've struggled with these past few months. School, church, my family, friends, babysitting as much as I can get, and just going going going to get it all done. I was on the phone with my friend Anjli earlier, and I was surprised to hear myself say the words "burned out" with this semester. I've always scorned college kids who say they're so burned out by school, because for a long time, school was no big deal, but here I am: burned to a crisp. Of course, for me it's a cumulative effort by everything in my life demanding my attention, so I'll give myself a freebie (cue the comment by Melanie about how I don't even know).

But it goes beyond that. Trying to find a balance with everything. Fun with work, relaxation with stress, not going months without hanging out with certain friends, and enjoying school while still working my butt off. The weirdest part is, right before I am so certain I am drowning, I remember I can swim and pull my head above water. By deep breaths, by praying, by reading for ten minutes, I do what I can to keep level so I don't spin out of control. So far, it's worked.

Life is good right now. And, dare I say it, my life has almost always been good, despite many of my teenage years screaming in protest. I've had many blessings, not too many hardships, and a rather happy existence. Of course there are day to day conflicts and stresses that can sometimes seem too much for any one person, but so what? Everyone has that. I have parents who, really, I would be lost without, sisters whom I adore, straight up, friends who I trust and love, and a downright decent lifestyle. But of course, the scales in my head have me worried. Since I've had a pretty easy time, I am just so sure that such hardships are coming up. I mean it, I'm talking the worst anyone has ever seen are so surely in my path. Luckily, I come up for air soon after having these thoughts and realize that a) this is unlikely and b) even if it is, golly I just know I can get through it. I just do. I have too much on my side for anything to really get me. So it's okay. Bring it on, world.

Anyway, my advice to Veronica was balance. Soon after, I realized it's my advice for everyone. When it tips too far to the wrong side, give it a good ole shove, pick yourself up and remember, So What? People have weathered so much worse and likely, so have you. It's okay.