Didn't Take Long

I understand, I fully comprehend and unfortunately agree.

In my gender communication class, we had to go around the room and introduce ourselves (lame, I know, but only a class of 25). I was one of the first people to go because I was sitting in the very front row like the pathetic nerd that I am. I said my piece, stating how much I love school and repeating twice that I do not want to graduate. This was met with groans and an address by almost every senior in the class that all they can think about is graduating. I shook my head in consternation but thought little about it.

Until Thursday.

It was the end of my first week of school, my very last first week but the first week nonetheless and I was exhausted, irritable, fighting with one of my closest friends over stupid drama, nutrition deprived because I couldn't find 20 minutes (or enough cash) to go to the grocery store, overwhelmed with work, and in desperate need to remember my senior year of high school Lit class.

In a word, I was done. I'm finally tired of the constant work and reading shoved down my throat daily, of the mindless acquaintances that the only thing we have in common is class, and of a thousand other things that come with being a student. I feel like I have 5 different jobs, all full time and equally demanding, with no payment. I'm finally ready to leave school. Shame I still have five months to change my mind.

Something that makes me lucky and what I feel like unlike those other people, is that I am unbelievably grateful for the past 3 and 1/2 years. Every single moment, every tired morning, every sleepless night was beyond worth it. I wouldn't change it for anything, this undergraduate life I've had. I am so blessed.

Anyway, here's the regular class break down.

Physical Fitness and Wellness:
-Fencing: is boring. But it's once a week and I might actually learn something. If I stop yawning enough to pay attention.
-Golf: SUCH A GOOD IDEA! Literally the definition of a blow off class. I'm so excited.

Film and Prose: Dystopian Fiction
-Yeah, I didn't know it was Dystopian when I signed up for it, but it's only to meet a grad requirement so I can show up. The professor is very Indian so I hear 3 out of 4 words correctly. I think.

Late Shakespeare:
-Again, a grad requirement class. However, the professor is like a cartoon character. I'm convinced he's a crack addict who just so happens to have memorized every single line of Shakespeare. Seriously, he's insane. Also, insanely smart and I've been needing to take a class like this forever. Shakespeare is the origin of all things literature.

Communication Research Methods:
-Needed for my major (do you see a trend here?) but actually kind of interesting. Very detail-oriented and all about answers. Plus, the professor is a great guy who loves me already. However, it is the bane of Comm Studies majors everywhere as it is notoriously the toughest class in the curriculum.

Gender Communications:
-Simply to fill a time slot. But there is some soap-opera-ness about it. One of my really close friends, a professor in the department, has major beef with the professor of this class. They used to be besties but now they can't stand each other, so I made it clear the first day I am a very good friend of my professor friend so the professor would get it. Got it?

Environmental Communications:
-It's a brand new class and taught by a professor whom I admire very much so I had no choice but to take it. Despite this, it might be the death of me. My admiration for this professor is because she's Mensa-level smart, funnier than anyone and does not take crap from anyone. AKA the recipe for the hardest class I have ever or will ever take. Should be a wild ride.

Between stress from my extracurriculars and taking more classes now than I did my senior year of high school, these last few months will be a test, perhaps the hardest one I've ever been through, but at the end of it, I'll have two degrees and a deep sense of fulfillment. That's worth it...right?

Resolve.

I often ask myself why I keep up with this blog, especially since it's more like an open letter to my mother. Obviously, I have an answer or else this would have kicked the bucket when my best friend literally laughed in my face when I had told her I was thinking about starting a blog. Despite having a place all my own on the internet besides social media sites, the truth is I enjoy having a chronological and detailed description of my college experience. My first post was the night before the first day of classes freshmen year and I am determined to have my last post be the night before graduation. It will be like a book for myself, that I can show my kids (although that probably won't happen) or look back on when I'm seventy and senile. Anyway, that's not the point of this post.

First off: my resolutions. I usually don't do resolutions because they're mostly something people stop three weeks into January. This is more something I want to do because it's good for me.

1. Improve my posture. Sometimes I sit or stand in the most awkward ways. I need a more grown up spinal position.
2. Stop biting my nails/ take better care of my nails. I've gotten in to the habit of painting them and removing/chipping off the polish within two days.
3. Be calmer. Between caffeine and being very excitable, I just need to chill the blank out.
4. Breathe deeply and often.
5. Take more pictures.
6.Write. Blogging is a wonderful reprieve and stress reliever so I've decided I want to start a mixed journal. Creative writing was fun and can be a surprising way to get out emotions and plus I want to express myself more than just over happy hour to friends.
7. Graduate well. I want to leave this school perfectly and happily.

I shudder constantly at the thought of graduating in May and am in complete denial about it. Graduation is in less than five months. Five months of running up and down the stairs in Centennial. Five months of throwing papers around my room in frustration. Five months of awkwardly meeting professors in their offices to challenge my grades. Five months of making friends over shared love or hate of classes. I love school, I love my majors, I love learning so much. I don't want to go to grad school, not yet and even if I do, it wouldn't be at Texas State. It is much harder than I thought it would to face leaving this ridiculously hilly but wonderful school. Everything is going to change and the hardest part is having absolutely no idea where to go from here. At least in high school, I have a definitive goal to achieve afterwards, but now...

Ugh, sorry, I'm somewhat having an existential crisis and I purely blame the fact that I am in desperate need to be back in classroom. Plus, as I said, blogging is cathartic. All I want right now is Tuesday. I love school.