Resolve.

I often ask myself why I keep up with this blog, especially since it's more like an open letter to my mother. Obviously, I have an answer or else this would have kicked the bucket when my best friend literally laughed in my face when I had told her I was thinking about starting a blog. Despite having a place all my own on the internet besides social media sites, the truth is I enjoy having a chronological and detailed description of my college experience. My first post was the night before the first day of classes freshmen year and I am determined to have my last post be the night before graduation. It will be like a book for myself, that I can show my kids (although that probably won't happen) or look back on when I'm seventy and senile. Anyway, that's not the point of this post.

First off: my resolutions. I usually don't do resolutions because they're mostly something people stop three weeks into January. This is more something I want to do because it's good for me.

1. Improve my posture. Sometimes I sit or stand in the most awkward ways. I need a more grown up spinal position.
2. Stop biting my nails/ take better care of my nails. I've gotten in to the habit of painting them and removing/chipping off the polish within two days.
3. Be calmer. Between caffeine and being very excitable, I just need to chill the blank out.
4. Breathe deeply and often.
5. Take more pictures.
6.Write. Blogging is a wonderful reprieve and stress reliever so I've decided I want to start a mixed journal. Creative writing was fun and can be a surprising way to get out emotions and plus I want to express myself more than just over happy hour to friends.
7. Graduate well. I want to leave this school perfectly and happily.

I shudder constantly at the thought of graduating in May and am in complete denial about it. Graduation is in less than five months. Five months of running up and down the stairs in Centennial. Five months of throwing papers around my room in frustration. Five months of awkwardly meeting professors in their offices to challenge my grades. Five months of making friends over shared love or hate of classes. I love school, I love my majors, I love learning so much. I don't want to go to grad school, not yet and even if I do, it wouldn't be at Texas State. It is much harder than I thought it would to face leaving this ridiculously hilly but wonderful school. Everything is going to change and the hardest part is having absolutely no idea where to go from here. At least in high school, I have a definitive goal to achieve afterwards, but now...

Ugh, sorry, I'm somewhat having an existential crisis and I purely blame the fact that I am in desperate need to be back in classroom. Plus, as I said, blogging is cathartic. All I want right now is Tuesday. I love school.