And It Feels Like I Am Just Too Close

A whole lot of nothing.

I made out a schedule of the projects, papers, and various assignments due before April 3oth (our last day of class). It's insane, but regardless, there are a mere 4 weeks until my immediate demise, also known as the end of school.

Well, I keep saying that but then I have another two weeks of equal insanity, including finals, graduation, and enough hanging out with friends that I probably won't see on a regular basis ever again to last me a lifetime.

Enough? No, not me! I also registered for my summer classes today! Yes, I am two classes behind having a double degree so while I am participating in the graduation in May, I am not technically a college graduate until I have made the grueling 4 hours a day, five days a week, most intensive classes of my career.

Why do I do this to myself? I had a conversation with one of my best friends earlier today and we talked about our day and what we have this week and normal chitchat, but we both ended up laughing hysterically because there is just too much! We hung up the phone, both wiping the tears and with some chuckles because we do know why. It's the same reason anyone does anything that is too ridiculous for words: good or bad, it's because we love it. Yes, it's unhealthy the amount of coffee I consume or the amount of dinners I've had that make up peanut butter and saltines. Sure, I should get a more balanced sleep schedule, not consisting of having an alarm for 6 a.m., 9 a.m. or 10:45, given the day. Undoubtedly, I should find an easier way to do my work, between being weeks ahead of schedule or literally running to the professor's office to meet the deadline.

But hey, it's (somewhat) worked for the last 4 years so why fix what ain't broke!

What has worked is how much my love for this stressful and mad schedule that I call my life is. Good golly, there is a lot I won't miss about being an undergraduate here. But as the question of "What will you do after," becomes more and more frequent, and no less scary, I'm starting to become less sad, less stressed, less concerned about the little things. It's okay that I'm being phased out, because I'm phasing myself out just as much. This is probably the first change in my entire life that I'm so aware of that I am accepting, with both hands and a full heart.

Whew. I can do this.